I know my blog has been dead for quite sometime and I'm guilty of that, because I've been dealing with something personal. I think it's very hard for me to pour out things like this publicly because as you know I am the person who try to spread as much positivity especially online, but that's not the case this time round. But, no worries I'm definitely okay now. I'm just telling u guys something personal and my side of the story and a little open letter to my friends that got cheated on. I totally feel you and I was in your shoes not too long ago ( a year ago lol).
I never really talk about anything personal especially on my blog or youtube but there are somethings that I have been holding on for quite sometime. As most of you are my followers on instagram, you would know that I was very open with my relationship. I even filmed a "relationship goals" video on youtube where I travelled to the states to see someone. I was happy, very happy. In fact, I think I was in cloud 9. We've been together for 3 years, and we made promise to each other no matter how hard things go, we will strive the hardest to work on it, despite the difficulties we were having especially when we were on long distance relationship. I was content, happy and i thought I was in a mature relationship. We were told we were one of the cutest couple they've seen, but that's not the case isn't it. I was so comfortable with him, he was a best friend to me and someone I could rely on. He was someone that I can tell my darkest secret to and he was the only one who saw my most vulnerable side. I have never opened up to anyone like how I did to him. And I thought:" wow, i never knew love felt this way" i have always thought that he loved me more than I did, but that's not the case, In fact, i was more in love than he ever did, and whatever he told me was merely just talks. Was I not good enough for him to stay, to stay loyal? Was I not beautiful enough as time goes by? or was I a bore to him that he needs to find another girl to satisfy his needs for loneliness?
We broke up few times. We were moving on, he had a new girlfriend, while I trying to focus on career and finding myself. Even when he was with that girlfriend of his, he still looks for me and find comfort from me, I thought I was doing him a favour and I thought that it's good that he still looks for me because I did not want to lose him completely, but little did I know, it's only draining my soul. As time passes, he came back, and he tries hard to get me back. Long story short, he cheated on her to get me back and I thought it was love. He said all the things I wanted to hear, and I fell back into his trap. We made good memories together when he was here, and I thought we could make it again, but part of me thinks that it's not gonna work, because I still couldn't trust him, and my insecurity went crazy, I tried so hard to be better than her, so he won't leave me again, I knew it was't healthy. He went back to the states, we made promise that we try to make it work. As time goes by, he gave up again and little did I know he's back with that girlfriend of his. I knew I deserved better than going back to him but I was naive, and I was fooled. I felt very dumb and I felt like I wasted my time. I thought I could change him, but I guess cheater will always be a cheater. Don't get me wrong, he does have his good traits.
When you got cheated, you felt like your world just crumbles and there's nothing else that can save you from your misery. You will miss him and you will beg for his love and you will try to change him. You made up your mind to have future with him, and now you will to rewrite your future. You ego gets hurt and you start wondering and questioning yourself that were you not good enough?
The truth is girl, you will heal, it takes time, but you will one day tell yourself that you made it. You may think you were not good enough, but the truth is, he's not good enough for you. He was so overwhelmed by how amazing you are how strong u are that he couldn't handle you. You deserve someone that truly loves you and embrace your every flaw. Of course, the hardest part was letting the person you loved go, and you being cheated doesn't mean you will entirely just not care about them, sometimes you do, but life goes on, after all, he was once part of your life and it's hard to just not care. But, you know what, one day, you even forget about his existence. You'll feel hurt, broken and you have trust issues. You couldn't trust the next guy that come after you, you start questioning every moves, every flirty text any guy sent to you. Don't let your past relationship taint your future relationship. One day, you will wake up right next to the person you love whom you're gonna marry and thank all the douchebags that broke your heart and lead you to marry the man you're gonna share your life with. One day, you'll see that all those guys that broke your heart don't matter at all and you thank them so much for giving you a harsh life lessons that made you a stronger person. All I can say is, if you're finally out of the relationship of the guy that cheated on you, kudos to you girl. He doesn't deserve your pure love, he doesn't deserve any part of you. If he chose lust over love, one day, he'll come back running after you and wished he treated you better, but of course you know better that he was nothing but a petty soul. Girl, if you found someone that loves you so much and treat you the way you should be treated, let him in. I know you don't wanna be heart broken again, but hey that's part of life isn't it? We are all human, and we need to feel hurt to feel alive, it sucks i know but it is how it is. Who knows, the next guy that you let him into your life, is the guy that you're gonna marry. Dear broken hearted girls, you deserve better and there someone out there will grow old with you and cherish you, guide you and motivate you everyday to get through life. Now, wipe off your tears, put your red lipsticks on, eat more vegetables, do more squats and don't let petty boys bring you down. You're a strong independent woman and you know that!
That's it for now.
Love,
alvy xx
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